So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
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