I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
