i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
