Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i just google imaged poop.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
