Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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