Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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