I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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