Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
