I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
