At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
