I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i was born a porn star she said
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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