Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize