Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
