Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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