so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
