I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
