just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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