My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
