____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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