you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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