i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
