your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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