I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
