Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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