fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
