so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
