Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
