Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
