Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
