You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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