i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
