he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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