i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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