i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
