Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
