i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
