your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
