I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
