this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
