Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
