Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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