Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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