everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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