she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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