I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
