I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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