he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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