Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You're earring is so big in my mouth
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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