What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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