I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
