I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
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