I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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