He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
