Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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