I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
