my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
