I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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