fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
