I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
