whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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