If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Two words: nipple clamps
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