The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Randomize
