Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
